


Vigilant

by dont_need_me



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Danger, Fights, Fun, Intense Fighting, Lies, M/M, Matt is also a boss, Natasha is a Boss, Pepper the super spy, Sex, Shower Sex, Steve Needs a Hug, Tony Needs a Hug, Violence, and a lawyer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-06-09 04:59:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6891181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dont_need_me/pseuds/dont_need_me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The room was dead quiet. Steve could feel a drop of sweat rolling down the back of his neck, and he had a golf ball sized lump in his throat. He watched carefully as the judge was handed an envelope , and held his breath as it was opened. He balled his fist at his side as the man leaned forward to the microphone and opened his mouth to give the verdict. </p>
<p>“The jury finds Steven Grant Rogers not guilty of two counts of first degree murder.” </p>
<p>The room erupted. Steve took a single breath in, and let out a choked sob of relief. Tony, who’d been a coil of tense energy beside him,  punched the air and let out a cry of victory. He leaned close to speak in his ear. </p>
<p>“ Let’s get out of here before things get crazy"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This isn't my first rodeo but I haven't been to many, so please just let me know if there's any typos! Enjoy!

The room was dead quiet. Steve could feel a drop of sweat rolling down the back of his neck, and he had a golf ball sized lump in his throat. He watched carefully as the judge was handed an envelope , and held his breath as it was opened. He balled his fist at his side as the man leaned forward to the microphone and opened his mouth to give the verdict. 

 

“The jury finds Steven Grant Rogers not guilty of two counts of first degree murder.” 

 

The room erupted. Steve took a single breath in, and let out a choked sob of relief. Tony, who’d been a coil of tense energy beside him,  punched the air and let out a cry of victory. He leaned close to speak in his ear. 

 

“ Let’s get out of here before things get crazy, there’s a car waiting up front.” Steve nodded, and before he knew it Tony had him by the arm and was leading him out of the courtroom. It’d been six months. Six long months being shuffled from house arrest to holding cell after holding cell, meetings with Tony and the police. Now he was free. 

 

He finally managed to get ahold of himself by time they reached the courthouse steps, which was a blessing, as cameras flashed at him from every angle and microphones were shoved in his face, Tony simply pushed him forward into a black car with tinted windows. As soon as the door shut, Tony let out a huff of air. 

 

“ We did it,” he said, grinning and running a hand through his hair, taking his suit jacket off. Steve watched him, eyes mapping the obvious firmness of his chest under his starched white shirt. 

 

“ I think most the credit goes to you, you’re the law guy here. And you agreed to take my case.” Steve said, sitting back and closing his eyes, suddenly exhausted. He would never of been able to afford Tony’s fee, but for some reason he’d reviewed his case and thought it would be good for his firm. Steve owed him everything. He hated that. 

 

“Eh, it wasn’t that hard. I mean you obviously didn’t do it. And I’m kind of a genius.” 

 

Steve Snorted and shook his head. “ So what now? Aren’t there papers I have to sign?” 

 

“No, actually.” Tony said putting his arms behind his head. “You and I are going to go and have a coffee.” Tony watched as the corners of Steve’s mouth quirked up, and his heart fluttered a little bit. He supposed it was wrong, wanting him. He’d been in a vulnerable situation, he still was. Tony knew he shouldn’t be taking advantage, he knew it, but there was something about Steve that made him unable to help himself. Something about the blue of those eyes, or his gentleness despite the fact he was a literal adonis. Tony wanted him, and he hoped to god Steve had somewhat of a similar feeling for him. 

 

“Is that so, Mr. Stark?” Steve asked, teasing. He looked more relaxed that Tony had seen him in weeks. He looked even better in the suit he was wearing, even though it was a cheap and state issued from Wal-Mart. Hell, Steve had even managed to make orange jump suits look good. 

 

“Certainly is, tell me, what do you do now that you’re a free man? Anything in particular?” 

Flirting between them was just so damn easy. Everything between them was easy, Steve had never had that with anybody before. Tony was so….Tony. He wasn’t like a single person he’d ever met in his life. 

 

“ Well, there’s this fella I’ve been talking to,” Steve said, running a hand through his hair, smiling crookedly. Tony felt his heart flutter. “ He’s been real good to me through this whole ordeal. Been figuring I’d ask him to a movie or something- seems he’s beat me to it.” 

 

Tony snorted. “ You know for that whole ‘apple pie’ thing you’ve got going on you’re pretty practiced in the whole smooth talking department.” 

 

Steve laughed lightly and sat forward. “ Who says I’ve had practice?” They were close now. Steve was taking up the open space in the car, and Tony could feel his breath on his face. For half a second he got lost in those eyes and how bright they were, in the laugh lines next to them-but the car stopped and he was pulled out of his trance. Tony cleared his throat and opened the car door. 

 

“Come on big guy. Let me at least get you a coffee first.” Tony got out of the car and smoothed his shirt down. They were far enough away from the courthouse that they could breathe freely. It had been a big case- Seeing as the deaths of two local business owners were involved. Truthfully Tony was scared. He saw the crime scene photos. Those men weren’t only murdered, they were ripped apart. Whoever'd done it had had something against them and a more than serious problem. Whoever did was the exact opposite of Steve, who was kind, and bright and so good Tony was afraid of tarnishing him. Whoever did that was still out there, and likely to do it again. Tony wondered if that meant he was in danger. He’d cleared the name of a man who could of taken the blame-that was more than enough reason for a person to hold a grudge.   Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder, and Tony turned to look at Steve, who’d been talking. He hadn’t even realized. 

 

“ Are you alright?” Steve asked, frowing. “ You look…..pensive.”  

 

Tony shrugged. “ I’m fine. I’ll be even better after a cup of coffee and some good conversation.” He pulled open the door to the coffee shop and held it for Steve. 

 

“ Alright. If you say so, but I was saying I wanna buy. I more than owe it to you.” And there it was, that sincere puppy dog look that had Tony’s heart on a leash. He couldn’t say no to that, no matter how much he disagreed with it. 

 

“ Fine, fine,” Steve took a deep breath and nodded, and with that he stepped inside the shop. 

 

They sat there for hours. Steve told him about his childhood and his dream to be an artist, about his friend Bucky who’d gone missing eight months prior. He’d looked sad when he was talking about that, and Tony couldn’t believe that a guy who was so good had gone through so much hell. When it came to be his turn to talk, Tony told Steve about how he’d wanted to be an engineer, but his father had the law firm and it was the family business so he’d had no real choice. 

 

“I don’t know why you don’t just do what you want to, I mean you’re successful enough as a lawyer, you could probably drop it all now and start working on projects and still be fine.” It was true, sure, but Steve didn’t really understand. Tony was obligated to run the law firm, and that was that. 

 

They stayed in the coffeeshop until it closed, at which point a tired looking college student walked up to them and jangled the keys, and Tony gave him a big tip as they walked out, leaving the kid stunned. 

 

Not as stunned as he was, however, when Steve grabbed him in a loose hold and kissed him. Right there in the middle of the sidewalk. 

 

Time stopped, and the only thing that mattered was Steve. That Steve was close, and that he kissed him again. 

 

When Steve pulled away, Tony had to catch his breath. 

 

“ I think maybe you should come back with me,” he said swallowing hard. But Steve shook his head and Tony’s stomach sank. 

 

“Maybe after I take you on a real date huh? Maybe friday? Dinner?” And his stomach was right back up in his throat. He was the one being taken on a date? That didn’t normally happen. He had the money, he liked to treat people, where as Steve didn’t have much but he still wanted to….

 

“ Yeah,” tony said, nodding once he’d realized he’d left Steve hanging for a bit. “ Yes, definitely friday. What time?” Steve was taking a few steps backwards looking at him like he was some sort of...something special and smiled and held his hand up to his ear, thumb and pinky extended. 

 

“I’ll call you alright?” 

 

Tony nodded and walked numbly to the car. 

 

“ Don't you want a ride?” he called at Steve’s retreating back. Steve turned around and shook his head. 

 

“ No, it’s alright. I live nearby.” 

 

Tony nodded and started to get into the car. Interrupted again when Steve called out. 

 

“ And Tony? Thanks. For everything.” 

 

And then Steve was gone, lost in a mass of people heading to bars and strip clubs, and Tony was left standing there, staring like an idiot.

  
  


oOo

  
  
  


“I don’t see why you have to do this every morning.” Tony groaned, pulling a pillow over his head as Steve walked around the room to get dressed for his run. Things had gone well. There had been a first date, then a second, and a third and a fourth. Around the sixth Steve finally agreed to come home with him. Sex with Steve was nothing he’d ever experienced. It was always so focused, no matter how fast or slow they went, like Steve’s only intention was to get Tony off, like that was the whole point of it for him-and Tony couldn’t complain, he’d never had a partner make him feel better. He was getting antsy just thinking about it, so he put it out of his mind and sat up. “Really Steve, can’t you just sleep? Like a normal person?” 

 

Steve laughed quietly and pulled a shirt over his head, which was a shame. At some point a lot of Steve’s clothes migrated and mingled with his. Tony just had them washed with his pile, which was his unofficial way of asking Steve to move in. 

“I gotta stay healthy, Tones.” Steve had taken to calling him that. It made him laugh, a nickname of his nickname. “I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.” he added, a little less cheerily. 

 

“You are literally the healthiest person I know, I don’t-” Steve cut him off by flopping on the bed, his big solid body pinning him down and effectively shutting him up. 

 

“Oh, that’s interesting,” he murmured, when his hip brushed past Tony’s groin, and just for a second Tony thought maybe he’d stay…but then he was kissing him and getting up again. 

 

“I gotta go. Habit you know.” Steve said, bending over quite purposefully to pull his socks on, Tony cursed under his breath. 

 

“You’re the worst,” he grouched, acting like he hadn’t been looking when Steve stood up again. Steve shrugged and went for the door. 

 

“I know. I’ll see you in an hour, Tony. Try to get some more sleep. You worked late last night.” And like that he was out the door. Tony muttered to himself and pulled the blankets over his head. He knew from experience he had exactly ten minutes until Steve’s side of the bed got cold, so he had to fall asleep in that time or it wasn’t happening at all. His thoughts drifted away from Steve and to the work he had to do that day.

 

Between the thought of that and what he wanted for breakfast, he managed to get back to sleep, situated mostly on Steve’s side of the bed. 

  
  
  


oOo

Steve felt bad for leaving Tony in the mornings, but there were things that he had to do. Things that had to be done or he’d have another lapse of control and end up right back where he started. So he ran. Every few weeks he’d change it up, when he finished one area he’d move on, scoping things out every morning, watching the people. The first hour of his run was quite uneventful, and Steve was almost disappointed. He knew he shouldn’t be, but he couldn’t really help it. If he could, he wouldn’t be out running in the first place. He stopped when he heard yelling from the second floor of some apartment building.  

 

“What, you think money grows on trees!?” The voice was angry and harsh, and Steve for a moment thought the guy was just talking on the phone until he heard a little voice, a kid’s voice reply. 

“ no-” That voice was cut of and an older voice interrupted. Stronger and defiant. 

“ Dad it was an accident-she spilled her milk, she’s just a -” Steve’s breath caught as he heard a loud slap. Moments later a kid, he looked to be about sixteen,  exited the building, holding the side of his face. He was trailed be a little girl who had to be no older than six, she was crying, and Steve’s heart broke. He started running again, almost wishing he hadn’t stopped. 

 

Almost. 

 

The rest of his run was truly uneventful, and he made his way back to Tony’s unnecessarily expensive penthouse house through back alleys and streets to avoid anybody getting in his way. He took a little longer than usual to try and calm himself down. What’d he’d seen had been all too familiar. There was no way in hell he was just going to let that happen, not if he could help it.  Tony didn’t need to see him like that though, all puffed up and angry. Steve refused to let Tony see him like that, so he pushed himself harder and ran until he was exhausted to the point that all he could think about was going home and getting in the shower. When he got to Tony’s building and walked past the reception to the elevator he stopped. He could still feel it, simmering under the surface. The frustration, the anger. He wanted to punch something. He’d go to the boxing gym later in the day to see if working the bag would fill his need to...whatever it was he needed to do. Steve wasn’t even sure himself.  

 

He stepped onto the elevator after a long moment of assuring himself he’d calmed down enough, and when the doors opened again he was home. It was funny. Thinking of Tony’s place as home. It was much more a home than his shitty apartment ever had been, but Steve was sure that was just because Tony Was never at his shitty apartment. He walked through the living room and to the bedroom, disappointed when he saw that Tony wasn’t in the bed. He smiled when he heard the water running in the bathroom, though, and quickly peeled his sweaty clothes off and put them in the hamper and went to join him. 

 

“Hope you’re not having too much fun without me,” he said, closing the bathroom door behind him and walking over to the sliding glass of the shower. Tony jumped a little and looked at him wide eyed, and Steve laughed. “ Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” He stepped under the hot spray and placed his hands on Tony’s hips, kissing the side of his neck. 

 

“ I wouldn’t dream of it.” Tony said, turning in his hold and leaning up to kiss him. Steve deepen it, needing the contact and needing the closeness. Tony pulled back, breathing hard. “You alright Steve-o?” God, he could tell. He could tell and Steve had to swallow the flash of anger that came from his own failure to compose himself. 

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” 

 

Tony smiled something evil and trailed his mouth along Steve’s collarbone. 

 

“  You’re just a little tense is all.” Tony spurned him and pushed him back against the shower wall. He grazed his teeth over Steve’s shoulder, and Steve let out a small moan. His dick was interested, and it pleased him to know that Tony had been hard before he’d even stepped into the room. 

 

“ You know you don’t have to,” Steve said, watching as Tony trailed kisses lower and lower, it raised gooseflesh on his arms. Tony looked up at him. Almost annoyed.  

 

“And you know I want to.” tony said, his voice something low and husky. His breath was ghosting over Steve’s dick now, and when Steve looked down it was to see Tony on his knees, it drew grunt out of him, and Tony tsked. “You don’t have to stay quiet, Steve.” Tony said, taking his dick in his hand, stroking it a few times. “I actually kind of like hearing you.” 

 

And then there was the heat of Tony’s mouth and Steve couldn’t, he couldn’t stay quiet, a moan tore out of him as he let his hands settle in Tony’s hair, doing everything in his power to keep his hips from snapping forward as Tony worked his magic. Tony took him all the way, and Steve could feel the head of his cock brushing the back of his throat-and that did it. That was all it took. He muttered a choked off warning and tried to pull away, but Tony held onto his hips and sucked the whole thing out of him. 

 

“ You...let me…” Steve huffed, sliding down to sit next to Tony on the floor of the shower, reaching out to him, but Tony was to focused stroking himself hard and fast, and Steve just watched mesmerized and lazy, smiling as he grunted and came. He reached out, pulling Tony close, lax under the warm spray of the water. 

 

“ You know that wasn’t fair,” Steve murmured, nipping at Tony’s earlobe tony shivered and pressed up against him, kissing him hard and dirty. Steve could taste himself on his tongue. 

 

“ Well, you can make it up to me later tonight if you want.” he said, standing, and holding out a hand for Steve to stand as well. Steve took it and raised an eyebrow, a challenge accepted. 

 

“I think I might. You know it’s not fair that you get me that fast.” Steve said, face a little red. He never lasted long when Tony blew him, and he was pretty sure that was the point. He was right, if the smug look on Tony’s face was anything to go by. 

 

“Yeah, well the world isn’t fair, babe. Now turn around so I can wash your hair.” Steve sighed and did as he was told, ecstatic to find the back under complete control. 

 

At least for the moment. 

oOo

 

“Where’s Steve?” Pepper asked, walking into his office. Tony scoffed and rolled his eyes, dropping the file he’d been looking at to eyes her. 

 

“ Hello Pepper, it’s wonderful to see you too. I’m doing great, thanks for asking.” Pepper rolled her eyes and set another stack of files on his desk. 

 

“Stop being jealous. You know I love you best. I was just wondering.” She sat down in one of the chairs opposite his desk and stared at him, indicating that she wanted to have a conversation, and if he valued his life he’d put his work down and talk to her. 

 

“He’s out at some boxing thinggy I think. Said he had some stuff he needed to work out.” 

 

Pepper raised her eyebrows. Tony knew for a fact she wasn’t a fan of him. From day one she’d seemed skeptical, but Tony was getting tired of it. They’d been together for going on three months. Steve wasn’t going to rob him and leave. Tony knew that for a fact. 

 

“He didn’t invite you to go?” She asked, it was obvious she was getting at something, and Tony was starting to get frustrated. 

 

“ What do you want, Pep?” 

 

Pepper held her hands up in mock surrender, which was funny. Pepper never gave up on anything. 

 

“ No, no he just seems...off is all, Tony. I don’t want you getting hurt. There’s just something about him that doesn’t sit right with me.” Pepper said, earnestly. “ I mean, he goes out and half the time you don’t even know where he is. Didn’t you tell me you caught him coming in late a few weeks back?” 

 

Tony wished he’d never told her that at all. He hadn’t even been fully awake, he wasn’t sure what he’d seen. 

 

“ Jesus Pepper, he’s got shit to work out. Nightmares and stuff. You don’t spend six months in jail without acquiring a few.” 

 

“Yeah, but Tony think about it.” 

 

Tony picked his file up again, finishing the notes he’d started before Pepper had come in, Pepper grabbed it from him.  

 

“ Think about what? I don’t know what you’re getting at.” Tony said, not looking up. He knew exactly what Pepper was getting at, and it was posterous. Crazy, all kinds of crazy. Steve was the best guy he’d met in his life, and he’d go to the grave defending him. 

 

“Do you ever second guess it?” Pepper stood and took the files from Tony’s hands. “Do you ever think that maybe he really did kill-” 

 

Tony stood in a flurry of anger, snatching back the file and throwing it onto his desk. 

 

“ No, Pepper. Steve had nothing to do with those murders and you know that. I don’t see why you’re so bent on proving he’s not a good guy-he’s never been anything but sweet to me and I don’t appreciate you talking about something you know nothing about. NOw, if you could be so kind, I need you to file the paperwork on Mr. Gonzales's auto accident case.Her hearing is tomorrow at eleven” And with that, Tony grabbed his coat and left the office. Pepper worried about him, he knew that. She was worried about him taking the case in the first place, and worried about him no matter what. Tony loved her for that, he really did- but accusing Steve of something he hadn’t done-something he’d had to suffer for...that crossed the line. 

 

Tony walked over to the elevator and punched the button, taking out his key to call the penthouse elevator. It was right then, when his heart was beating fast and hard and his mind was reeling a mile a minute, that he realized he loved Steve Rogers with every fiber of his being, and he got scared. 

  
Tony had no clue how to tell him. 


	2. Shiner

Steve hit the guy three times. Once in the face, once in the chest and once in the gut. That should have taken him down, it should have been enough, but the guy reeled forward and hit him hard in the face anyway. Blood erupted from his nose, and he saw black spots in his left eye.

 

“Why’d you have to go and do that?” He asked, throwing another punch, right to the side of the head. He took a step forward. “ See, now that’s gonna bruise, and I’m gonna have to explain to my guy why I’ve got a shiner.” Which means he’d have to lie, and that just pissed him off. He took another step forward and struck again, and again, and again, until the guy and wobbling on his feet, weakly holding his hands up. “Aren’t you gonna say anything?” 

Steve asked, stepping forward and grabbing him in a headlock. He dragged him out the door and up the stairs of his building, not stopping until he reached roof access. 

 

“Why’re you doing this?” the guy rasped, blood bubbling in his mouth, head lolling as Steve dragged him over to the edge. 

 

“Why?” Steve repeated, hoisting the guy up, forcing him to stand at the ledge. The guy fought him, tried to get away. Steve kind of liked it when they did that.  It was to no avail. Steve was bigger and stronger, and the guy wasn’t going to go anywhere unless steve wanted him to. 

“I wanted you to know what it’s like.” 

 

The man was hyperventilating now, crying and struggling, doing everything in his power to get away from Steve, but he simply held him tighter.  

 

“ What do you mean, what’er you talking about? Who sent you-was it-I told Jimmy I’d get him the money, I swore, didn’t I? I’ve got two more weeks-” Steve jostled the guy closer to the ledge, and he let out a small, strangled cry. 

 

“ What’s it feel like to have someone big and strong beat the shit out of you huh?” The guy let out a choked sob, and Steve bit his lip, getting impatient. “ I asked you a question, asshole.” The guy was a sniveling coward, Steve was disgusted by him. 

 

“What’re-” Steve shook the guy again and he slipped, one leg dangling over the edge.He slapped a hand over his mouth as he heard a drunk staggering down the sidewalk. It was getting late. Steve was grateful for the cover of night, but he’d have to explain that to Tony too. It wouldn’t be hard, he was already thinking up lies that wouldn’t be too far from the truth. 

 

“Tell me you’re not gonna lay a hand on those kids again, and I’ll let you go.” Steve said quietly, leaning the man further over the edge. The guy rushed to repeat him, but all that came out of his mouth was a desperate, strangled bunch of sounds. 

 

“ I can’t hear you, you need to speak clearly. ‘I won’t hit my kids’ It’s not hard to say, It’s kinda common sense, really.” Steve said, holding the guy further away from him. He’d loved the shirt he was wearing until the asshole had bled all over it. 

 

“ I won’t-I’m not gonna touch em’, ever again, you got my..you got my word.” Steve pulled the guy off the ledge and smiled. “Good, that’s good. See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”  he asked, straightening the guy’s shirt and hair. The guy nodded and laughed nervously, standing rigid and still. His eyes flicked to the door behind Steve. 

 

“For a second there I thought you was gonna do it,” the man said, breathing hard.

 

Steve paused a moment, then grinned. When he pushed the man it was like his whole body was on autopilot. He leaned over the edge to watch his decent, listened hard for the smack that meant he’d hit the ground. Steve stared down at the ground for a moment, watching as a dark glimmer of blood trailed down the broken asphalt of the alley. He stood there, doing his best to feel guilty. When the guilt didn’t come, he simply pulled off his shirt and went to grab his bag from the bottom of the stairs. His eye was swollen shut and his nose was bloody-He used the shirt to keep it from dripping anywhere. He didn’t need to leave a trail for anybody to find. 

 

Once he had his bag he went out the back of the building, through the alley were the guy was laying dead. Nobody would find him until morning, it was too dark, the alley was too small for any cars to go down, and then somebody would have to actually turn their head and look, so Steve wasn’t worried. He had plenty of time. Steve made his way to the boxing gym, and from there he called a taxi. He was exhausted, as he always was after he’d finished...doing his thing. He didn’t really like doing it in the first place, but he didn’t have much of a choice. He would’ve stopped, or at least tried to stop if it hadn’t been for Tony. Steve loved him, he didn’t even want to chance hurting him. He was quick to anger, and all it took was one argument. One lapse of control for him to fuck up and ruin the best thing that ever happened to him. 

 

He’d been the way he was since the beginning. Since he was a kid. The first time had actually been an accident. He’d been pinned on the ground, a bigger kid leaning over him, hitting him relentlessly. Until Steve had  grabbed a rock and broke his skull. For the first time in his whole life he’d felt powerful, he’d felt in control. For the first time the anger and the pain that always, always simmered just under the surface of his mind was gone, and he was free from it. The feeling was addicting. 

 

So he kept it up. He was more careful now, planned out his victims, made them look like suicides rather than having any fun,fun was what nearly got him caught in the  place, but it was enough for him. It worked, so he was thankful. When a taxi finally stopped for him, he got inside dragging his bag in after. They made small talk about boxing, the guy remarked that Steve looked to big for anyone to be landing any hits, and Steve made up some garbage about helping a guy train and letting him get a few licks in for the hell of it. 

 

By time the conversation was over, they’d reached the tower,and Steve thanked the guy and paid, then got out of the car with a sigh. He didn’t really want to face Tony, but he did a lot of things he didn’t want to do, so he pressed the button and waited for the elevator. 

 

When the doors opened to the penthouse, Steve stepped out quietly. Tony was sitting at the kitchen counter, still dressed up in his suit and pouring over files. 

 

“You’re back kinda-” Tony looked up mid sentence and gasped, Steve took a few steps back and laughed. 

 

“ Hey, hey, don’t make that face, there was a guy in the gym who got me good is all. We were sparring. You should come watch next time, it’s fun.” Steve said, moving to the kitchen. Taking the shirt away from his face-his nose had finally stopped bleeding-  and washed his hands. 

 

“ Steve it looks like he beat the shit out of you, your eye-.” Tony said getting up and lightly grabbing Steve’s face, turning it from side to side, inspecting him . 

 

“ I’m fine, Tony. It’s what happens. I can’t punch a guy and expect him not to punch me back.” Steve said, wincing as Tony ran his fingers lightly over his bruised eye. 

 

“It looks like it hurts,” Tony said, a little crease of worry appearing on his forehead. Steve sighed and grabbed Tony’s hand as he lifted it to touch his face again.  He pulled him close and wrapped an arms around him. 

 

“It’s just a bruise, Tony. It doesn’t even hurt that bad.You’ve seen me in worse shape. I’ll put ice on it if that makes you feel better.” Tony pulled away from him and stared. Steve could see the resilience in his eyes. He didn’t say anything for a long moment, and Steve wasn’t really sure what to do. 

 

“Just be careful, alright?” Tony said finally, moving away from him and going to the freezer. He grabbed a bag of peas and tossed it to Steve, who caught it and smiled. 

 

“ Yeah, Tony. I’m always careful. “ that wasn’t a lie, he really was. He couldn’t get caught again. Things were really going for him. He had his mind set on marrying Tony, starting a life with him and being happy. It’s all he wanted, and anybody who got in his way wasn’t going to like what happened. 

 

Tony frowned and shook his head. “ And I had plans, too.” he muttered, patting Steve’s jaw and moving away towards the bedroom. 

 

“ What?” Steve asked following, interest piqued. “ What plans?” 

 

Tony just smirked and kept walking. 

 

“ Don’t even try and play dumb. It’s too late anyway. And we’re not doing anything with your eye like that.” He said, moving to the dresser and taking off his suit jacket, setting it to the side. Before He could start unbuttoning his shirt, though, Steve wrapped his arms around him, pulling him to his chest and kissing just behind his ear. 

 

“ Really?” he murmured, trailing his lips down Tony’s neck. To his surprise, Tony pulled away and turned to look at him. 

 

“ Really. I want you to rest. You could have a concussion, you know. If you got hit hard enough for it to bruise like that. Maybe you shouldn’t go to sleep anytime soon...we can watch a movie?” there it was. Tony worrying about him like he knew about the frail little shrimp he used to be. It was frustrating, but, then again it was Tony. There was no telling Tony anything once he had his mind made up, which he obviously had. 

 

“Fine,” Steve said, moving to pull of his undershirt. He’d have to be more careful next time, he had Tony content on his story, but if anybody came looking they'd see the bruise and they’d know for a fact what he’d been up to. Steve tossed his undershirt in the trash and pulled on a clean sleep shirt. He pulled off the exercise shorts he’d been wearing as well and climbed into bed in his boxers. “You can pick the movie.” 

 

oOo 

 

It was late. Steve was out cold, Tony couldn’t get him to actually stay awake, so he sat up to keep an eye on him. He wasn’t sure if it was just paranoia from his conversation with Pepper, or the fact that Steve had come in so late that made him feel like there was something Steve wasn’t telling him. Tony knew Steve had gone through some things, things that could be worse than the entire trial combined, and it killed him that Steve couldn't talk to him about it, that he couldn’t find a way to make him feel better. 

 

Steve made a small sound in sleep, and Tony looked over at him. His face was swollen and bruised. The only other time he’d seen Steve look like that was a few weeks into the trial. Steve had been jumped by a few guys in the shower. Steve had said they’d thought he was guilty, and had known the men who’d been killed and wanted revenge. It’d broken his heart to see him like that, both eyes black, and his lip split. It wasn’t fair. Steve hadn’t thrown a single punch back. He’d just taken it, waiting until guards came and pulled the attackers off him. When Tony’d asked him why he hadn’t tried to protect himself, he’d told him he didn’t want to give anybody a single reason to find him guilty. 

 

Now, Tony didn’t know what to do. There was something wrong, he could feel it. So, he grabbed his tablet and turned it on, turning down the screen’s brightness so he would bother Steve, who’d started snoring next to him. Quickly, as if being afraid of getting caught, Tony searched for therapists in their area. If he could get Steve to go..to maybe talk out his problems...talk about things he couldn’t tell tony. It was worth a shot. 

 

“What’re ya doin’ up?” Steve mumbled, sitting up and squinting at him sleepily with his good eye. Tony smiled at all the Brooklyn in his voice, it came out the most when he was tired or not paying attention. 

 

“Just looking up a few things. For work.” He hated how easy it was to lie to him, but it wasn’t like it was anything major. Steve reached out for him, and Tony set the tablet aside, turning it off, and let Steve pull him closer. 

 

“Y’ need sleep.” He murmured, “Jus got t’ sleep.” Tony snickered a little and pulled the blanket up wiggling closer. He laid there and waited for sleep to come to him. He set a number in his head and started counting back to zero. He was almost asleep when Steve spoke again, surprising him. 

 

“ Love you.” 

 

Tony stilled. Steve said it. They hadn’t said it yet, and Steve just said it, like it was no big deal, like they said it every night, like it was normal, and Tony had no clue what to do. He swallowed thickly and took a deep breath, trying to regulate his breathing so he wouldn’t freak Steve out. Well, he had to say it back, he had to. Steve had said it, and Tony felt it too, he loved him, more than anything he loved Steve Rogers, but when he opened his mouth to say it no sound came out. Finally, Tony cleared his throat. 

 

“ I love you too, Steve.” 

 

He waited for a reply, but all he got in return was soft, wheezing snores. 

 

Steve hadn’t even heard him. 

 

oOo

 

Tony woke before Steve and turned off his running alarm. He spent a good five minutes staring at his face. The swelling had seemingly gotten worse, or maybe it was just the fact that the bruising had darkened. He tried to go back to sleep, but it was useless, so he got up, showered and got dressed for the day. By eight o'clock, he was up in the kitchen, reading the paper from a tablet, sippin g on his coffee. The early morning hours had a certain unique quietness to them. Tony wasn’t sure how he’d never noticed it before. Maybe it was because normally at this hour he’d be hung over-but that was before Steve. To be completely honest, Tony wasn’t even sure if Steve knew-

 

“Since when are you up this early?” Steve asked, shuffling into the room. He was all sleepy and bed ruffled, Tony hid a smile behind his coffee cup. 

 

“Since my boyfriend got a potential brain injury.” Tony said, lifting a brow and taking a sip of his coffee. Steve frowned, then winced, then tried to pretend like it didn’t happen. 

 

“Don’t be so dramatic, it’s just a little bit of swelling.” 

 

Tony scoffed. 

 

“ A little bit? That’s why you can’t breathe through your nose, right?” Tony asked, hopping off his stool and moving to one of the cupboards. From it he took an orange pill bottle. “You’re taking it easy today. Eat something, take one of these and go back to sleep.” 

 

Steve looked at him and sighed, and Tony gave him his best puppydog eyes. They worked. Steve grumbled something about cheating and took the pill bottle from him, reading the label. 

 

“Oxy? Really, Tony?” Steve asked, opening the bottle and shaking out a pill. He popped it in his mouth and turned on the tap, bending over it to take a sip of the water directly from the faucet. 

 

“ Gross, get a glass you animal,” Tony muttered, smacking him in the arm and going back to his seat. “ And I only have them from when I broke my had last year.” 

 

Steve made a noise that let Tony know he didn’t believe him, and Tony sighed, going back to his tablet. 

 

“ Some crazy stuff happened last night,” he started, flicking an article, scanning it quickly. “Some guy was found dead a few blocks away. Suicide.Jumped off the roof of his own apartment building.” Tony swallowed as something cold settled in the bottom of his stomach. “Thing says he left behind a few kids.” 

 

Steve walked over to him and looked over his shoulder. 

 

“Please don’t tell me those poor kids found him” he said, trying to read over his shoulder. 

 

“No, no it was some druggie or something, I don’t know.” Tony said, shivering a little. He hated the news. He wasn’t sure why he read it every morning. 

 

“ I wonder why he did it,” Steve said quietly, his voice didn’t sound right. It sounded too far away, too absent. Tony figured that had to be the drugs kicking in, but it worried him anyway. 

 

“I dunno, it’s anyone's guess.” Tony paused. “ Just...you know I’m here for you right? If you ever feel...if things ever feel-” 

 

“ You don’t have to worry about that, Tony. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Steve spoke so quietly, so earnestly, that Tony could feel his heart melt. He felt Steve kiss the side of his face and heard him mutter something about going back to bed, but Tony didn’t process it until he was almost out of the room. 

 

“Steve?” 

 

Steve turned around to face him. 

 

“ Do you remember last night? What you said to me?” Tony’s heart was beating fast. He had to know. Steve hadn’t said anything about it, and Tony couldn’t just assume… 

 

“Why, what did I say?” Steve asked, and suddenly his entire posture was different. Where he’d been sleepy and relaxed he was suddenly rigid, standing up straight. His eyes were almost scared. 

 

“Nothing, nothing. You were..having a dream I think. Said something funny about aliens. Don’t worry about it,” Tony lied, and Steve relaxed, but eyed him still. Tony watched him as he went back down the hall. He let out a sigh, a breath he hadn’t known he was holding and went back to his paper, deciding he’d figure out what that was about later. 


	3. Commando

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! We're getting to just about the middle of the story, so comments would be appreciated! thanks for all the kudos and thanks most of all for reading! I hope you enjoy this next chapter :D

Tony knew something. He wasn’t sure what, and he wasn’t sure how, but he knew something he wasn’t telling him, and it made Steve want to rip his face off. Paranoia crept up the back of his neck, he knew it was there, but he couldn’t acknowledge it due to the thick veil of tiredness the painkillers had tied down over his brain. 

 

Once he was alone in their bedroom, he shut and locked the door. He grabbed Tony’s bedside table and opened it, looking through the notes, and when he didn’t find what he wanted, the history. He didn’t find anything, so he pulled up the search engine and looked through the search history there. He froze when he saw the search for therapists in the area. So that’s what it was. Tony thought there was something wrong with him- he wasn’t wrong, really, Steve had no hard time admitting that. There was something wrong with him, something that couldn’t be fixed- therapists wouldn’t be able to do anything, never had been.  

 

Steve set Tony’s tablet back down where it was and moved to unlock the door. He laid back down on his side of the bed and closed his eyes, thinking. There were a lot of things he hadn’t told tony. A lot of things-besides the obvious. Maybe if he started talking Tony would be less compelled to feel the need to look after him. Or it would get worse. Either way, Steve had to talk to him. He couldn’t keep the things he'd done from Tony for long- it was disclosed, it couldn’t be found on the internet, sure, but Steve had been terrified None the less. Especially when  the trial started and articles were written about him, he was terrified that somebody somewhere would dig up information on the Howling Commandos-he would’ve been done for. But they didn’t, and he wasn’t, and now he’d have to tell Tony. 

 

Steve woke up five hours later, having fallen asleep trying to think of a way to tell Tony about the Howling Commandos. He got up with a sigh and looked in the mirror. He looked horrible, but he’d have to deal with it. He pulled on some jeans and a t-shirt and made his way out of the penthouse, taking the elevator to Tony’s office floor. The elevator opened and Steve stepped into the modernly decorated office and walked through to the main waiting room. 

 

“ Steve!” It was Pepper. She was sitting at her desk, rummaging through sheets of paper. Steve put on a happy face and turned to look at her. “ Oh, god what happened to your face?” 

 

“Tony didn’t tell you?” Steve asked, unable to help the edge to his voice. He knew for a fact Pepper didn’t like him. That she could read him like a book. It wasn’t every day he met people like that. The fact that she was one of Tony’s closest friends was nerve wracking, and Steve did his best to avoid her at all costs. 

 

“ I went to the boxing gym last. The other guy won.” He said, offering her a smile she didn’t return. She simply stared at him, as if she were deciding whether or not he was telling the truth. 

 

“ Really? Where’d you go? Which gym I mean. I haven’t seen many around.” She was digging. To the outside it had to sound like polite conversation, but Steve could tell when someone was trying to get information from him. 

 

“It’s a great place down in Hell’s Kitchen. There’s tournaments every now and again. I’ll take you and Tony sometime-now I really gotta go talk to him if you don’t mind, is he busy?” 

 

Pepper looked up, one brow raised. 

 

“ He’s normally busy, yeah, but he’s not with a client right now, if that’s what you mean. Go on in.” 

 

Steve didn’t miss the disapproving note in her voice, and didn’t say anything as he entered the office and closed the door behind him. Tony was on the phone, so Steve didn’t say anything. He just put his hands in his pockets and walked around the room, letting Tony’s voice wash over him. He moved from one framed piece of artwork to the next that adorned the walls of Tony’s office, studying them as if it were his first time seeing them rather than the last. 

 

“Hey, you feeling any better?” 

 

Steve turned, he hadn’t even heard Tony get off the phone. 

 

“ Yeah, a little. The sleep was nice.” It really had been, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept like that. 

 

“I would’ve stayed with you if I could-” 

 

“ Don’t, Tony. You’ve got work to do. Don't even worry about it. I was thinking about making you dinner tonight though. To make up for last night.” Steve sat down in one of the chairs opposite Tony’s desk and Tony smiled. 

 

“ Dinner, huh? Sounds nice. What time should I be there?” Tony looked stunning. Steve wasn’t sure how he did it all the time. Maybe it was the way his hair sat, messy from Tony running his hands through it. Maybe it was the looseness of his tie or the crookedness of his collar-whatever it was, it was wonderful, and Steve couldn’t get enough of it. 

 

“ Hello? Earth to Steve?” Tony leaned forward and waved a hand in front of his face, Steve grabbed it and kissed it. 

 

“ Sorry, yeah. Dinner. Tonight. Be ready at seven?” Tony was normally back from work much later than that, but Steve wasn't going to torture himself and further. He already was going to force himself to talk about things he didn't even want to think about, he didn’t need to freak himself out. 

 

“ Right. I’ll be there.” Tony said smiling and sitting forward. He opened his mouth to say something where there was  a knock at the door, and Pepper popped her head in. 

 

“ Tony? It’s Mrs. Gonzales.” 

 

“Alright, send her in. I’ll see you at seven, Steve.” Tony said, and Steve stood, gave a small wave, and made his way out of the room. He walked past Pepper and forced a smile, holding the office door open for an old woman with a casted arm. 

 

“I’ll see you around, Miss. Potts,” Steve said, making his way over to the elevator and leaning on the wall next to it. 

 

“Sure thing Steve, be careful, you’re gonna make Tony sick. He worries about you.” 

 

The elevator opened and Steve stepped onto it. 

 

“Yeah, well he doesn’t have too.” The elevator doors closed, and Steve took a deep breath. His heart was already pounding at the aspect of dinner. 

 

Tonight was going to be terrible. 

 

oOo

 

Tony left the office at six forty five, much to Pepper’s displeasure. He could smell the food as soon as the elevator doors opened, and Steve had even lit candles. He was already sitting at the table when Tony walked into the seldomly used dining room, but he stood, taking Tony’s bag and jacket and kissing him hello. 

 

“I finished earlier than I thought I would. I’m glad you’re here already, I was afraid the food was gonna get cold.” Steve said, setting his stuff aside. The swelling in his face had definitely gone down, but the blue black discoloration was still there. 

 

“I’m glad too, it smells amazing.” Tony said, sitting down, waiting to grab his fork until Steve sat down too. He was actually starving, he hadn’t eaten anything all day-there was no better first meal than Steve’s fettuccine alfredo. 

 

“I uh..” Steve was looking down at his plate, he hadn’t even picked up his fork. “ How was your day, Tony? Was it alright?” It was a sudden question, and Tony was thrown off by the sudden change in the tone of his voice. 

 

“ My day was...interesting. To say the least.” Tony said, shoving a mouthful of pasta into his mouth. “ You’re not eating,” he noted, nodding to Steve’s plate. Steve simply shrugged. 

 

“ Not hungry.” 

 

“Bullshit, you’re always hungry, you eat more than any person I’ve ever met in my life.” Obviously, it was the wrong thing to say, because Steve seemed to sink back into himself, almost like he wasn’t even present. “ Hey, no, Steve-I didn’t mean it…” He wasn’t exactly sure what to say, he had no clue what was going on in Steve’s head. 

 

“ There’s things I haven’t told you,” Steve started, and tony froze, fork halfway to his mouth. 

 

“ What?” He asked, setting his fork down, the feeling of cold dread rising in his stomach. This was where Steve was going to tell him that there was someone else, that he didn’t want to be with him anymore. Tony knew it would be coming, but he didn’t think it would be coming so soon. 

 

“ I...it was a while ago. A year and a half, maybe.” 

 

Oh. Well, Tony hadn’t even known Steve a year and a half ago. Maybe Tony was being too paranoid. He took a bit of his food and sat back, wiping his mouth with his napkin. 

 

“ Go on, Steve. I’m listening.” 

 

Steve took a deep breath and bit his lip. 

 

“ I was in the military for a while.” Steve paused and swallowed hard. He was having trouble talking about it, and Tony was having trouble getting passed the part where Steve had been in the military. It wasn’t even in his files there was no record of it at all. “ It was...top secret. Special services. Finding and infiltrating terrorist bases, fleshing them out from the inside it was...it was scary work. We did a lot of things..The Howling Commandos did a lot of things we shouldn’t of, things I didn’t agree with..but they were orders.” 

 

Steve looked up at him, and Tony could see pain in his face. He knew it wasn’t from the bruises on his face, he knew that for a fact. This-this time in the military- The Howling Commandos, whatever Steve had called it- it was a bad memory for him. Tony didn’t know what had spurred the conversation on in the first place, but it seemed it was what Steve intended to dinner to be for. 

 

“ What happened to you, Steve?” Tony asked quietly, his stomach sinking. There had to be a reason why he wasn’t still in the military now-something had to of happened. 

 

“ They wanted me to obtain information.” Steve said slowly, swallowing thickly. “ They said ‘by any means possible’ and they told me to use torture as a tactic. I didn’t want to do that.” Of course Steve hadn’t wanted to do that, he was Steve, he was sweet, kind Steve. Tony was positive that outside of boxing, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. 

 

“ So what happened?” Tony leaned forward and put his hand over Steve’s and Steve grabbed it and held onto it tightly, like it was a lifeline, like Tony was the only thing keeping him together. 

 

“ I was dishonorably discharged and the Commando’s were...I don’t know where they are. Bucky’s out there somewhere. We’re not on good terms. Not after that. He thinks I should've just followed orders.” 

 

There it was, this Bucky guy again. Tony wasn’t sure, but he thought maybe Steve had loved him. Really loved him. He was terrified that when and if he found him, he’d leave Tony high and dry. 

 

“ You probably think-” Tony cut Steve off before he could finish talking. 

 

“ No. I don’t think anything. I think you stuck to what you believe in, and I’m proud of you for it.” Tony paused. “ We don’t have to talk about it anymore if you want. I won’t ask, and you don’t have to tell, not unless you feel like it.” Steve smiled at him and nodded, Tony could see tears glimmering in his eyes. 

 

They carried on with their dinner, the conversation moving away from Steve’s time in the service and to idle chatter. If either man had been paying much attention at all, they’d of seen Pepper Potts standing just outside the door behind the wall, A pile of unsigned files at her feet. They would’ve seen her scribbling ‘Howling Commandos’ on the inside of her arm. But, as it happened, both Tony and Steve were far too involved in each other and the conversation to notice anything outside of it. 

 

oOo

 

Later that night, Tony took Steve to bed and worshiped every single inch of him. He started at his neck, just behind his ear. 

 

“ I missed you today,” he murmured, trailing his lips down, kissing Steve’s shoulder and across his chest to the other. He kissed down and latched onto a nipple, making Steve cry out. “I came up during lunch and you were sleeping like a baby, I couldn’t bring myself to wake you up.” Tony sat up a little and looked down at the expanse of naked skin below him. All the little scars and blemishes made sense now. Tony had always thought they were just from boxing-but now, not that he knew...he spent more time kissing them, running his tongue over them, doing everything he could to take the pain out of them. 

“You shoulda,” Steve huffed, his eyes closed. Tony laughed. 

 

“ No, you were too far gone. I wanted you to sleep.” He kissed down, and down and down, and then suddenly he was on his back. Pressed into the mattress and he moan, because the feeling of Steve’s weight was so familiar, he knew what was going to come, and the anticipation was better, maybe even the best part of it all. 

 

“Hm,” Steve hummed, kissing Tony soundly, effectively straddling his hips. “I’m gonna make you feel good.” He said, voice lot and husky, Tony made a small sound of disapproval. 

 

“That was my plan for you.” 

Steve smirked. 

 

“ I still owe you, don’t I?” He asked, and Tony moaned aloud when Steve dipped his head low and swirled his tongue around his belly button. Without warning he took him all the way into his mouth, and Tony bucked his hips up. Steve stayed still, and Tony moved his hips experimentally, thrusting up into Steve’s mouth. Steve looked up at him, those blue eyes searing, and tony couldn’t help it. He fucked up into Steve’s mouth, over and over and over, and Steve just laid there, adjusting his position every now and then, keeping his jaw relaxed and his eyes on Tony. He moaned when Tony came, pulling back before he was finished-Tony wasn’t sure weather it was an accident or not, but the sight of Steve with his face messy was something he’d put away for the jack off files in his mind. Not that he’d needed those lately. 

 

“You…” Tony couldn’t breathe. He huffed and tried to catch his breath. He turned over and closed his eyes, and Steve moved to curl up behind him and wrap an arm around his middle. Tony could feel his mouth on his shoulder. It wasn’t the only thing he could feel. Steve was hard still, his dick trapped at the base of Tony’s ass. “ You didn’t have to do that, you know,” Tony said, moving to press his ass firmly onto Steve’s dick. He smiled when he heard him gasp and felt Steve start moving, taking advantage of the position of his dick, which was now between Tony’s thighs. “I don’t want you to ever feel like you owe me anything- I know I joke, but I mean it Steve.” 

 

Steve grunted behind him and kissed the back of his neck, still thrusting, Tony knew he was close, he could tell by the way he was breathing. 

 

“ I know,” Steve said quietly, still moving. “ I know that, Tony. I like making you feel good.” At that Tony smiled and did his best to move with Steve, to maximise the friction. 

 

“ I love you,” Steve huffed, along with a loud moan, and then Tony’s thighs were sticky but he didn’t care, he was turning over and pressing Steve into the mattress and kissing him, kissing him with every single bit of life he had. 

 

“ I love you too,” And this time, this time it was real, this time he could feel the words, spoken in time with his heart beating in his ears, with the feeling of Steve’s lips on his, lips that curled up into a smile, because it was true, and Tony knew that. He’d known it for a long time. Steve loved him. And Tony love him too. 

 

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed together like that. Tony atop of Steve's chest, his head resting in the crook of his neck-but sooner or later, Steve got up, and Tony, despite the uncomfortable stickiness of his thighs, wished he hadn’t. When Steve returned, it was with a warm towel. He wiped Tony off, then cleaned himself, the pulled the covers back and tucked To under them. He got under himself, and held Tony close. Pressing a kiss to the side of his head before leaning over him to turn out the light. Before Steve laid back down, he leaned over Tony and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

 

“ Goodnight, Tones.” He murmured, wrapping his arm around Tony’s middle, settling his head in the crook of his neck. Tony smiled in the dark. 

 

“ Night Steve. See you in the morning.” 

 

oOo

“I need your help finding someone.” Pepper said. It was odd, being in this part of the city. It wasn’t the daily norm she was used to, but Hell’s Kitchen had it’s charm. " He might be related to something? Um, the Howling Commandos. It might be a secret military team-I’m not sure. There’s notes there. I took the liberty to print a copy in braille as well.” Pepper said, biting her lip. Pushing the file towards the men sitting across form her. She was sat across from Neslon and Murdock, the only law firm who’s likely be able to help her. Not because they had the means, exactly, but because they were the only firm crazy enough to call her in for a meeting after being contacted at two in the morning. 

 

“Does this have anything to do with the case Stark worked a while back? The double murder?” the blind on, Matt asked. Pepper wasn’t completely sure how he got any work done at all in all honesty. Being blind certainly had to be detrimental to his practice. 

 

“ I’m not sure, that’s what I’m trying to find out.” She said, uncertain. “This guy, this Bucky guy, he’ll have answers, though. I need you to find him. I’ll pay you whatever you-” 

 

“ And why can’t you do this yourself? I mean you clearly have the money and the technology at your disposal” 

 

“ Foggy,” Matt said in warning-he clearly thought there was something valuable to her request. “ If you’re telling me that finding this guy will get you closer to arresting this...this killer, I’ll do it.” 

 

Pepper took a deep breath. And nodded, then she realised that Matt wouldn’t be able to see it, so she cleared her throat and spoke up. 

“ Yes, thank you I-I’ll get the money to you by the end of the night. I’ve got to get back before Tony gets to the office but-” She stood, the thought of not being there when tony arrived was nerve wracking. She was never late. He’d know in an instant that something was up it happened out of the blue. “ This needs to stay under wraps. Keep it as safe as you can, and call me as soon as you have this Bucky guy. I want to talk to him myself.” 

  
“ You know,” Foggy said, as she gathered her things. “ I can’t help but feel like what we’re doing is illegal.” 


	4. Withdrawal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Sorry this chapter took so long to get up, I had some massive writes block. As always, comments are appreciated! Enjoy!

Steve missed knives. 

 

He missed the odd distribution of weight in his hands, he missed the solid sounding thud they made when they came in contact with a body, he missed the bright red lines they made when he dragged them across skin,  he even missed the screaming-but that’s only because Steve only used knives on people who deserved it.  child molesters and pimps and rapists, the worst of the worst. 

 

“Hello? Huston to Rogers…”  

 

Steve was pulled out of his thoughts by a warm hand on his shoulder. He was standing at the sink, washing the dishes, a large, stainless steel kitchen knife in his hand. He scrubbed the last of the food off it then set id down, turning to face Tony. 

 

“I have people who do that, you know.” Tony said, grabbing an apple from the bowl on the counter and taking a bite. 

 

“So you’ve said. I just don’t like leaving messes.” Steve said, turning back to the sink to finish the dishes. Tony frowned and walked around to his side so he could look him in the face. 

 

“Are you okay? You seem kind of...out of it, I guess.” Tony noticed. Tony noticed, and Steve just wanted to punch something, because he was supposed to be doing better than this, he was supposed to be keeping things under control but he hadn’t been out to take care of business in almost a week, and his skin was crawling with frustration. 

 

“I’m fine Tony, nothing to worry about...just thinking about some stuff.” That seemed to be enough for Tony, because he nodded and pulled himself up to sit on the counter while Steve did the dishes. 

 

“ You know, if you ever need me I can take the day off work,” he started, and Steve sighed. 

 

“ No, no, I don’t need all that. You’ve got good people you need to help, I don’t wanna get in the way of that.” Steve said, washing the plate in his hands for the third time. “ I think I’m going to go to the gym for a bit.” he said at last, setting the plate down. He turned around just in time to see Tony’s face fall. He wondered how many more time he could fuck up in a night. 

 

“Sure….I guess I’ll see you when you get back.” Tony sounded sad and disappointed, and if Steve were able, he’d of changed his mind and stayed in for the rest of the night, but honestly, since he’d told Tony about the Commandos and about Bucky, things had been different. Tony treated him like he was somebody to be tiptoed around, like he’d break at any second, and Steve couldn’t handle it. 

 

At least that’s what he told himself as he packed to go to the boxing gym. He kissed Tony goodbye and tried not to feel like a dick as he stepped out and walked a few blocks to get to a busy street so he could wave down a taxi. He had the lingering feeling that he was being followed, but he shrugged it off. The paranoia was a result of his frustration, he knew that. 

 

When he got to the gym, there was nobody there. It was old and dusty, nothing like the big and bright newer boxing gyms with all their technology and weight training. It was simply a place to go if a person wanted to beat the shit out of something in peace. Peace Steve didn’t get much of- nearly twenty minutes after he heard the door open and close. 

 

“Wow. It’s surprising that someone else is in here for a change.” the guy said, and Steve coughed the bag he'd been using and turned to face the speaker. It was a blind man-Steve almost had to do a double take- boxing wasn’t exactly a sport for guys who couldn’t use their eyes- 

 

“Yeah, guess I have to say the same thing.” Steve said, turning back to the bag, hitting it again, thinking about the man on the roof.

 

“It’ll be nice to have a partner in the ring-I mean if you’re willing.” Steve runed again and gave the guy a withering look, but nodded anyway, after a moment of slight confusion, he spoke up. 

 

“ I don’t know if it’ll be all that much of a fair fight-but sure.” Hitting a person always felt better than hitting a bag, but Steve figured he’d go easy on the guy. 

 

“ I guess we’ll see about that. I’m Matt by the way.” Matt stuck his hand out, and Steve shook it. 

 

“ Steve,” he said in reply “ Are you gonna tape your hands or…” he trailed off and waited for a reply as Matt took off his glasses and jacket and set them to the side. 

 

“Nah, I think I’ll be fine.” Steve watched with no small amount of shock as Matt easily made his way across the floor to the ring and hoisted himself up inside of it. 

 

“ I’ll take it you come ‘round here often” he commented, waiting for Matt to throw the first punch. Something was off here. Something didn’t feel right-Steve wasn’t able to figure out what it was, however, as one of Matt’s feet hit him square in the chest. he stumbled back a little no longer hesitant. 

 

“ Guess you could say that.” Matt said, and Steve could see him about to move again. He moved out of the way of a swift punch that was aimed at his head and grabbed Matt’s fist, holding it tightly. 

 

“ Yeah, let's stay away from the face huh? I don’t need another bruise to explain to my guy.” with one swift, sweeping kick Matt was on his back with an ‘oof’ and Steve smiled. “ Come on, get up, throw another one.” His blood was ringing in his ears as Matt stood up-his head tilted at an odd angle, as if he were trying to figure out where to hit Steve next. 

 

“ Your guy?” He asked, lunging forward and landing two solid hits to Steve’s middle, Steve doubled over, face red. 

 

“ Yeah, you gotta problem with that?”Matt took a few steps back and put his hands up, and Steve took that as his chance to get a couple of punches in. Matt staggered back. 

 

“I wonder if this...guy of yours know you like to fight dirty?” he said, and something like cold dread seeped into his stomach. Steve sprang into action in seconds, he had Matt’s arms twisted far behind his back and pressed him into one of the posts  of the ring. 

 

“ What’re you talking about?” he asked, lowly, Matt stayed still. 

 

“I think you know what I’m talking about.” 

 

Steve kept his mouth shut. He knew what was happening, he knew exactly what was happening. 

 

“Oh, you’re scared alright. There’s something going on- tell me Steve...Rogers isn’t it?” Steve moved Matt from the post, only to slam him on the ground and furthering the backward angle of his arms. Steve pressed a knee to the middle of his back, letting all his weight rest on it as he leaned down to speak quietly. 

 

“ I don’t know who you are, or what you think you’re doing, but I’d heavily advise you to stop.” 

 

There was an achingly long moment of silence. 

 

“Why’s that?” it was more of a grunt that anything, and Steve wasn’t satisfied. He pressed Matt’s arms back further, until he cried out, until Steve could see his shoulders starting to dislocate. He smiled, he couldn’t help himself. The asshole deserved it. 

 

“ Because,” Steve said, quietly, shifting to hold Matt’s hands in one of his own and used his free one to press Matt’s head into the ground. “I’m not in all that great of a place right now,” he murmured quietly, trailing his fingers down the back of Matt’s neck. “ It’d be so, so easy to just-” he put a hand at the base of the guy’s neck and made a cracking sound. He started to struggle, but the more he moved the further his arms went behind his back. 

 

“Why’re you doing this?Why are you hurting people?” Steve shook his head and got off him and pulled him to his feet so quickly the guy was reeling. 

“ Well,” Steve said, punching him in the face hard while he was disoriented, he fell back, having lost consciousness. “ It’s a long story.” He said, jumping out of the ring and grabbing his things quickly, more or less running out of the gym. He didn’t even wave down a taxi, his heart was racing to quickly, he just ran. There was something wrong. This guy, he knew too much. Steve didn’t know how he knew or how much, but he knew things that could ruin him-and he’d left him alive. 

 

God, he’d left him alive. 

 

Steve didn’t even realise when he got back to the tower-it had been a good hour and a half, but all he could think about it what he’d done by leaving the guy breathing, what was going to happen-if Tony found out it would be over, if Tony knew Steve would lose him forever, and then there was no point. He’d keep running for sure, but he’d stop being careful. 

 

His mind raced through his entire nightly routine. Through his shower, through making a damn sandwich-he couldn’t get any peace from the intrusive thought of panic. He hadn’t seen Tony yet-he was probably up in the office, which was a good thing, because Tony would ask him what was wrong and steve didn’t have the  ability to lie to him right now, not right now, his mind was fully consumed by the panic that there was a man somewhere in hell’s kitchen, a complete stranger, who knew things. His brain came to a roaring stop when he tried to think about to how. 

 

How’d he known where he’d be. How somebody so seemingly trained just seemed to mosey on into the same gym he’d been in. 

 

He was being watched. 

 

oOo 

 

Tony was worried. 

 

Steve seemed a little distant over the past few days since their dinner, his eyes were always far away, he was always thinking about something, and when Tony asked about it he’d get this look on his face like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. It was strange. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but with Steve nine times out of ten that just made the whole situation worse. So he’d keep his mouth shut and finish his work and let Steve be Steve. 

 

When Tony resurfaced from his office it was one in the morning-he hadn’t meant to spend so long working, but he was so far gone with a case he wasn't sure what to do. Things were going well, but he’d hit a wall, and if he didn’t figure something out soon the poor guy could be facing life in prison for a crime he certainly did not commit. His mind was still racing as he made his way to their bedroom, being as quiet as he could. He didn’t expect Steve to be awake, however. 

“You’re up past your bedtime,” tony commented, shrugging out of his clothes. Steve was already in bed, shirtless and perfect, he looked tense and exhausted, and Tony’s heart ached. He loved him, every time the thought crossed his mind it was like for the first time, and his chest swelled. 

 

“ ha ha,” Steve muttered- he was in a bad mood, but Tony had always been able to remedy that easily. 

 

“ Awe, c’mon, Babe,” Tony muttered, flopping on the bed and rolling over to Steve. He planted a kiss on his hip bone and smiled, letting his lips linger. 

 

“Not tonight, Tony.” Steve muttered, and there was that distance again, he sounded so far away, and something was bothering him, Tony knew it, but he didn’t know how to fix it. 

 

“ Are you sure?” Tony asked, the question muffled in Steve’s skin as he mouthed the glorious skin of his hip. Steve made a sound of frustration. 

 

“ I said not tonight, Tony,” He moved to turn over, but his elbow smacked Tony straight in the face. Pain erupted in his head, and Tony could feel warm blood dripping from his nose. Steve’s hands were on him in a second, dragging him to the bathroom. 

 

“ God, Tony, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t mean-” Tony grabbed so toilet paper and held it to his now. 

 

“ Steve, stop, don’t be sorry. You said no and I kept pushing. I shouldn’t have.” Steve looked absolutely tortured. 

 

“ No,” He said, shaking his head. “ No, I hurt you, I was being an ass-” Tony shook his head and threw the toilet paper in the toilet. His nose hadn’t even bleed that much. 

 

“ Steve, christ, you weren’t an ass.” The look in Steve’s eyes was horrible. He looked like...Tony couldn’t even describe it. It looked like he regretted literally everything in his life just because he’d accidentally elbowed Tony in the face. “Look, it’s already done bleeding. Let’s just get some sleep, okay?” Steve didn’t move, so Tony put his hands on his chest and moved him out of the bathroom himself. Steve finally got the memo and made his way to the bed, and when Tony joined him, he pulled him close and kissed him. It wasn’t like Steve’s normal kisses, though,Steve only ever kissed him like this when they were having sex-or about to have sex, and Tony pulled away shaking his head. 

 

“ You said you didn’t want to,” He murmured, pressing a kiss to Steve’s nose. “ We’re not going to.” 

 

“But-” Tony cut him off. 

 

“ No buts Steve, I shouldn’t have pushed like that. See, my fault. Not yours. You didn’t mean to hit me in the nose-it wasn’t even that bad. Don’t feel guilty.” 

 

Steve was tracing his finger around Tony’s chest, his touch was light, but warm. 

 

“ I hurt you,” 

 

Tony shrugged. “ For maybe three minutes. It doesn’t even hurt anymore, I promise. Just...go to sleep, alright?” Tony pulled the comforter over them, fully aware he was straight out lying and that he’d have a bruise the next day. A bruise he’d have to explain to Pepper. 

 

“Night Tony. “ Steve muttered, , pulling him closer, wrapping his arms around his middle and resting his head on his shoulder. Tony smiled. 

 

He’d never felt so loved. 

 

OoO

 

“How’d you find me?” 

 

“I have my ways.” 

 

It was dark in the apartment, and Pepper had the feeling it was because the power had been shut off. The man sitting in front of her didn’t exactly seem to be like the type to care much, though. His hair was long, and he was unshaven. He was missing an arm-there was a prosthetic in the corner by the bed, and for a moment Pepper almost felt bad for waking him up. 

 

“Right,” Barns said, nodding and sitting back in his chair. “ Well fucking get on with it, what do you want?” 

 

Pepper fiddled with the paper in her hands. She was nervous, but her voice was strong. 

 

“ What can you tell me about the Howling Commandos? Particular Steve Rogers?” There was a pause, during which Pepper found out that James Barnes had a glare that could send Mobsters running with their tails between their legs. 

 

“M’ not telling you shit. That’s classified.” Barns shifted uncomfortably, but he seemed interested. 

 

“ What do you wanna know for anyway? Thought Steve was in jail.” That made him look sad, and Pepper wondered what exactly the relationship between Steve and this man had been. 

“ No, my boss is a lawyer. A good one. Steve got off innocent.” 

 

“You’re shitting me.” Barnes sat forward in his seat, mouth slightly open. “ I didn’t...I thought they’d caught him for good. I figured it was over when they arrested him..I stopped following the case-” 

 

This was good, this was better than good, because Pepper knew for a fact that this guy had information. 

 

“ You think he was guilty?” Pepper asked, and Barns ran a hand through his hair. His face flickered between so relief and frustration so many times Pepper wasn’t sure whether or not she’d actually get the information she was looking for while the guy was so emotional. 

 

“ Yeah. Yeah, I’ve known him for a while.” Pepper smiled and held up a video camera. 

 

“ I’m going to ask you some questions now. I’ll record it, if you don’t mind.” Barns blinked. 

 

“And what do I get outta this?” 

 

Pepper sighed and pulled an envelope out of her purse. 

 

“Ten thousand should be enough to get the lights back on, right?” That was really all it took. Barns snatched the money from her wordlessly, opened the envelope and looked through it. 

 

“You won’t let him see this right I don’t need him comin’ for me. We ain’t exactly on the best of terms.” 

 

Pepper nodded. 

  
“ Don’t worry. He won’t see a thing. Now, can you tell me about the Howling Commandos?” 


End file.
